The courage to step back
Let your people get there on their own
Some parents can’t help themselves. They fuss over every detail, point out every mistake, and then wonder why their kids don’t take initiative.
The same pattern plays out in workplaces.
Leaders say they want their teams to take ownership. To step up. To spread their wings. Yet at the first sign of a misstep, they swoop in to micromanage — correcting, instructing, showing them how it’s done.
At first, people try. They bring their ideas, their way of doing things. They show up with intention, and they dare to lead.
But when every move is second-guessed and every decision is overridden, self-doubt creeps in. “How could I let this happen? How could I be so stupid?”
When leaders rush to rescue their teams, they don’t just fix their mistakes. They deny them their struggle. They deny them the moment of insight when it all clicks — when everything finally begins to make sense. They deny them the quiet confidence of knowing that they got there on their own.
To rob someone of that process is to rob them of transformation.
And so, full-grown adults who should stand tall with confidence are left acting like overgrown children — forever needing approval, forever seeking refuge.
The quiet tragedy
High performers pick up on this early. They see leaders talking about ownership. But the ownership doesn’t feel… owned. It feels imposed. With conditions.
They’re expected to own the outcomes, but are given little control over the process that creates those outcomes.
They’re expected to work with creativity and imagination, but only within invisible boundaries that they’re never sure of until they cross them.
And so, they start seeing it for what it is: an impossible game. A rigged system. Feeling stifled and disrespected, they leave.
Others disengage. They know that if they step forward, they’ll eventually be forced to pull back. Because every time they’ve tried to reach for autonomy, they’ve been reminded that it wasn’t truly theirs to take.
So… they shrink. They stop expressing. Stop contributing. Stop confronting problems, and stop offering solutions.
And what about the leader?
Their hands are always full. But not with the things that truly need them. Instead of leading, they’re drowning in work their team should be doing.
They’re everywhere — except where they need to be.
Everyone loses. The team. The leader. The work. The organisation. Not for lack of talent. Not for lack of effort. But because the leader wouldn’t let go.
Breaking the cycle
If you recognise this dynamic in your team, consider the following:
Set guardrails, but give real freedom within them: Instead of hovering with constant oversight, create the space for people to flow. “Can you handle this project moving forward? Check in with me only if stakes exceed $10K.”
Rescue with questions, not answers: When someone expects you to decide for them, resist the urge. Instead, ask: “What options have you considered? What are the trade-offs? If you were in my place, what would you do?” Push them to think, not defer.
Give them the right to reverse their decisions: Let your team know they can backtrack decisions without fear of judgment. "Take a call as you see fit. We can revisit next quarter and recalibrate if needed”.
Acknowledge little acts of courage: Publicly recognise when people take initiative, no matter how tentative their attempts or how imperfect the outcome. "Sarah connected us to a new vendor. It didn’t work out, but it gave us clarity about what we really need."
Switch the default: Instead of requiring approval before action, flip the script. “Moving forward, do you feel confident making these kinds of internal decisions without me? If you need my input, I trust your judgment to come to me”. Give people the confidence — not just permission — to make decisions.
Your job is to build the foundation where your people can thrive. Give them the tools, the trust, and the space to do the most meaningful work of their lives. Empower them with both the capacity and the agency to act.
And then, when you’ve done your job, have the courage to step back. Trust them to step up, and let them fail their way to success.
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